


the closet monologue

by blood_and_gore



Series: Originals [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Hope, Hopeful Ending, Queer Themes, Transphobia, trans themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 04:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18461270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blood_and_gore/pseuds/blood_and_gore
Summary: let's say i don't own a closet.





	the closet monologue

let’s say that i don’t own a closet.

let’s say that there’s a dresser. let’s say my apartment is filled with dressers and big bulky wardrobes that take up more space than i have.

and let’s say my parents’ house contains nothing but dressers, and not one single  
dress-      let’s say my clothes are folded up, lying on my bed, because in this  
situation i have no closets and my dressers are full of memories and fears i’ve  
written down because i no longer have use for them; no use but to burn, burn  
burn baby burn the paper i’ve cursed myself upon-       let’s say there’s only one  
lighter i own, sitting in the pocket of a dress. shirt.      a dress shirt, button-  
down.  no more dresses, not for me. let’s say there are infinite dress shirts  
and binders that i can conjure up out of pure will, and i can send them to strangers  
and create more as i go about my merry way-

(someday someday someday) i’ll be rich enough to do so.  
i’ll donate and i’ll give and i’ll give love until i run out, which will  _not_  happen.  
it  _won’t_. someday i’ll be loved, beloved as i am. it  _will_  happen. it  _will_. (i’ll be a  
trailblazer blazing bright among the stars.  i live in a world such as this, but-  
but i  _live_  in a world such as this. i  _live_ in the world- i live!)     i’ll live!    i’ll create hope  
        and leave bits and pieces everywhere i go     and thus is my power.  
i have power. i  _am_  power.

                                      let’s say that though i won’t have closets,   i’ll have a wardrobe  
that opens to a time machine.     i’ll step out through each closet at record speed  
and be as i am.  
                                             there’s a closet where i grew up, big enough to build  
blanket forts. big enough to write songs about the blanket forts. big enough to hide  
when i needed to hide- warm. safe. and all alone-  
                                                                            there’s a closet  
in my parents’ house. there’s a French textbook originally published in 1992 with the pronoun pages bookmarked.  
there’s clothing folded up in bags, lying on my bed-  
                                                                                   everything ends, and so i begin.

my new apartment has a dresser and a desk. i’ll be there, and i’ll be home.

i have a closet at home.  
it’s not big enough to hold me.

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted at http://crowned-in-stone.tumblr.com/post/175101702428/lets-say-that-i-dont-own-a-closet-lets-say


End file.
